How to Give Feedback Without Triggering Defensivness
Feedback doesn’t need to be dramatic to be effective. It just needs to be clear. The SBI framework turns feedback from a personal confrontation into a shared moment of observation—what happened, what it caused, and what can change next.
When feedback lands this way, the response isn’t defense—it’s curiosity. People can ask real questions, explore impact, and adjust behavior without shame. That’s how feedback becomes a healthy, ongoing part of how teams grow together.
What SBI Is
SBI stands for:
- Situation – when and where it happened
- Behavior – what was observed
- Impact – what that behavior caused
It’s a simple structure that keeps feedback concrete and fair—anchored in facts, not assumptions.
Why it works:
- Focuses on one clear moment, not a personality
- Describes what happened, not why you think it happened
- Names the impact, so it’s clear why it matters
- Gives both people a shared picture of reality
The core sentence: “In [Situation], when you [Behavior], [Impact].”
Everything else is supporting detail.
Why SBI Works Better Than the “Sandwich”
The “feedback sandwich” — praise, criticism, praise — was meant to protect relationships. In practice, it often backfires. People wait for the “but,” discount the praise, and leave unsure what you actually wanted them to hear.
SBI removes the performance and gets to the point. It keeps feedback specific, balanced, and believable—one situation, one behavior, one impact.
The Three Parts of SBI
1. Situation — When and Where
Start with the context so both people know exactly which moment you mean.
Examples:
- “In yesterday’s 10 a.m. team meeting…”
- “During our 1:1 on Monday…”
- “In last week’s client presentation…”
Specifics make the memory concrete. “In meetings, you always…” invites argument. “In yesterday’s meeting…” invites reflection.
2. Behavior — What You Saw or Heard
Describe what happened, not what you think it means.
Observable examples:
- “You interrupted Jordan three times while they were presenting.”
- “You arrived 15 minutes after the meeting started.”
- “You checked your phone several times while the client was speaking.”
If a camera could record it, it’s behavior. If it’s a guess about intent (“You were rude”), it’s interpretation.
3. Impact — What It Caused
Explain why it matters. This turns feedback from judgment to information.
Examples of impact:
- “Jordan stopped contributing after that.”
- “The team left unclear about next steps.”
- “The project was delayed by three days.”
Impact answers the question: why does this matter?
The Complete SBI Sentence
“In [Situation], when you [Behavior], [Impact].”
Example:
“In yesterday’s team meeting, when you interrupted Jordan three times while they were presenting, Jordan stopped contributing for the rest of the meeting and we didn’t get their input on the proposal.”
Short, factual, and hard to misinterpret.
How It Sounds in Practice
1. Interrupting in Meetings
“In this morning’s project meeting, when you interrupted Sarah twice while she was explaining the budget concerns, she stopped sharing her perspective and we didn’t get the full context we needed to make a good decision.”
2. Missing Deadlines
“For the client report due Friday at 5 p.m., when it didn’t arrive until Monday morning, I couldn’t review it before the client meeting. We went in unprepared, and the client noticed.”
3. Dominating a Conversation
“In today’s brainstorming session, when you spoke for about 20 of the 30 minutes, we didn’t hear ideas from the rest of the team. Several people told me afterward they had thoughts they didn’t get to share.”
4. Not Reading Pre-Work
“In this morning’s budget review, when you asked questions about information that was in the pre-read, we spent 15 minutes on background material and didn’t reach the strategic discussion we needed.”
5. Checking a Phone During a Presentation
“During yesterday’s client presentation, when you checked your phone several times while the client was speaking, they paused and seemed uncomfortable. It may have signaled that we weren’t fully engaged.”
How to Prepare and Deliver SBI
1. Prepare
- Write down the Situation, Behavior, and Impact.
- Check that each part is concrete, observable, and relevant.
- Read it aloud—it should take less than a minute to say.
2. Set Up the Conversation
- Ask for time: “Can we talk for 15 minutes about yesterday’s meeting?”
- Choose a private space.
- Set the frame: “I want to share some feedback about what happened and the impact it had, so we can work better together.”
3. Deliver the Feedback
State the SBI clearly and stop. Don’t over-explain or soften it with disclaimers. Silence gives the other person room to think and respond.
4. Listen
They may clarify, disagree, or explain intent. Keep the focus on the impact: “I hear that. I want you to understand how it landed and what it caused.”
5. Move Forward
Ask: “What would you do differently next time?” or “What support would help you make that change?” End with a shared commitment, not a lecture.
Using SBI for Positive Feedback
SBI also strengthens praise. It shows people exactly what worked and why it mattered.
Example:
“In yesterday’s client call, when the client raised concerns and you paused, acknowledged their point, and offered two options, they relaxed and stayed engaged. That response helped preserve the relationship.”
Clear feedback reinforces what to repeat, not just what to fix.
Common Pitfalls
- Mixing in judgment: “Unprofessional,” “rude,” “lazy” add heat, not clarity.
- Using always/never: One instance is enough. Absolutes invite argument.
- Hiding feedback inside praise: It confuses the message. Deliver each on its own.
- Covering too much at once: One behavior per conversation is more effective.
- Guessing at motivation: Describe what happened, not why you think it did.
When SBI Isn’t Enough
SBI works best for specific behaviors in everyday settings. It’s less effective when:
- The same issue repeats without change (then it’s a pattern to address structurally).
- The situation involves harm or discrimination (that requires accountability and repair).
- Power dynamics make honesty unsafe (bring in facilitation or formal channels).
- The problem is systemic, not individual (adjust process, not just people).
Final Thought
Clear feedback is a form of respect. It gives people real information about how their actions affect others and the work.
SBI keeps that clarity intact: one moment, one behavior, one impact. It replaces blame with observation and opens the door to dialogue.
Situation. Behavior. Impact.
Simple structure. Lasting change.
Learn more about building feedback cultures that strengthen trust at humanrepair.org or contact hello@humanrepair.org.
